Gotta be strong

I didn't realize how much I love being a mom. I love it when that face lights up and she smiles at me.. or even when she is just looking at me and watching my lips move as I talk to her, as if she was truly having a conversation with me.

Sigh...

So, I'd be lying if I said that this week was going okay for me. I am feeling all these mixed emotions right now. Olivia's day-care experience is going better and better as the days go by. Mommy's experience is not so great at all. I miss her more than I can stand sometimes. I want her with me. I am in love with this little girl. Now, I am feeling totally guilty every morning as I drop her off and let these day-care workers 'raise her' til I get off. Does she even miss me? A part of me wants her to be crying for them all day missing her mommy and then be smiling and giggling for me when I get home to see her. But the better part of me realizes that this is a good thing.. this whole day-care gig. She's going to learn how to interact with other babies and play with them as she grows. She wouldn't have that at home because she doesn't have any siblings yet. And I really want that for her, but I don't want the day-care to 'replace' me either.

Ugh, will it ever stop breaking my heart when I leave her?

Oh, but on the up-side. Last night was the first night she slept the entire night. I woke up wondering if I had been sleeping too hard and just didn't hear her. (I think I would have heard her though.) But YAY for Olivia!! And YAY for mommy & daddy getting sleep!! WOOHOO!

**Updated Pics of Us**

Here are some updated pics of us. She is growing so fast. She had her 1 month check up on January 19, 2009 and she was 10 1/2 pounds and 22 inches long. This little girl loves to eat and takes it very seriously. She loves her moo juice (and her green paci!) haha!

6 weeks already? My goodness!

Today was little Olivia's first day at day-care and boy did it break Mommy's heart to drop her off this morning. I cannot believe it has already been 6 weeks and my time off from work is over.

She wore her little guitar onesie and I brought her blankets and stuff from home. I sure hope she misses me today.. I called on my lunchbreak and they said she was doing okay. She just has to get used to not being the only baby.. and she also has to get used to the other babies in the room. Poor thing. I wish I could just spoil her rotten and her be the center of my world - but that just doesn't pay the bills right now. She knows her mommy loves her. This will make the time we spend together that more special. Mommy has to be strong, because this is a good thing... Right?

Olivia & Jen's baby pic

"We're making the same face. Hahahaaa."

Olivia's Birthday

*Our 1st Family Pic*

"I never believed in love at first sight... until now."

"Olivia's first bath.... she hates it... and still does!!!! lol"

"Before getting induced.... We were so ready, but we didn't know what the heck we thought we were ready for.. Bye bye sleep, hello doodie diapers!"

"41 weeks pregnant.. and very swollen."

~Welcome to the World Miss Olivia Skye~

Little Miss Olivia Skye was welcomed into this world on December 15, 2008 at 1:53 p.m weighing 7 lb. 13 oz. and 21 in. long.

Her Mommy's Birth Story:
I went into the hospital at 6:30 p.m. on December 14, 2008 to start the induction process where they gave me medicine to start softening my cervix. They started with half a pill, and with the second half of the pill is when my contractions really began. That was at 2:00 a.m. I started progressing after that, and tried to sleep in between contractions. When I was around 3-4 centimeters, I didn't think I was going to make it. I asked my nurse for the pain medication I knew I had been approved to get. It was called Nubane. That was the best stuff ever. LOL After taking that, I didn't have a care in the world. I still felt the contractions, but was able to really sleep in between. Before I knew it, I was getting my epidural! I looked at them puzzled. I assumed my husband went and told them I wanted the epidural. They said he didn't tell them and that my nurse was watching her screen and knew that I was ready to get it. LOL While getting the epidural, I was having like 3 contractions, but I remember saying to the nurse, "Man, I sure do like this drug!" hahaa. I have never been high in my life, but I swear I was on Nubane. It made me very relaxed. After the epidural, I didn't feel a thing. That's some good stuff right there. :) My wonderful nurse and midwife told me when to push. They told me I might feel pressure or slight pain, but I seriously didn't feel anything. I started to push Olivia out at 1:30 p.m. and she was born at 1:53 p.m. She was posterior, so there was some tearing involved there. I had to get stitched up while they gave Olivia a bath. My husband was over there, just snapping away. He told me he was trying to capture everything on camera. He was a trooper by the way. He really helped me focus and we did our breathing.. :) I'm sure our childbirth instructor would have been proud. haha. By the way, I delivered in the Women's Center at Piedmont Medical Center. I had a very positive experience there. I had my own nurse the entire night of being induced. I really felt like I was their only patient. :) They were awesome!

I will never forget the moment I met our daughter. I will never forget those little eyes just looking at me. I am her mommy. My heart just melted away.........