I didn't realize how much I love being a mom. I love it when that face lights up and she smiles at me.. or even when she is just looking at me and watching my lips move as I talk to her, as if she was truly having a conversation with me.
Sigh...
So, I'd be lying if I said that this week was going okay for me. I am feeling all these mixed emotions right now. Olivia's day-care experience is going better and better as the days go by. Mommy's experience is not so great at all. I miss her more than I can stand sometimes. I want her with me. I am in love with this little girl. Now, I am feeling totally guilty every morning as I drop her off and let these day-care workers 'raise her' til I get off. Does she even miss me? A part of me wants her to be crying for them all day missing her mommy and then be smiling and giggling for me when I get home to see her. But the better part of me realizes that this is a good thing.. this whole day-care gig. She's going to learn how to interact with other babies and play with them as she grows. She wouldn't have that at home because she doesn't have any siblings yet. And I really want that for her, but I don't want the day-care to 'replace' me either.
Ugh, will it ever stop breaking my heart when I leave her?
Oh, but on the up-side. Last night was the first night she slept the entire night. I woke up wondering if I had been sleeping too hard and just didn't hear her. (I think I would have heard her though.) But YAY for Olivia!! And YAY for mommy & daddy getting sleep!! WOOHOO!
10 years ago
1 comment:
Hey! I totally agree with your blog! It does break your heart leaving them, and to be honest it DOESN'T get any easier. I wish I could tell you that it does, but it has only gotten harder for me. Just enjoy every second you have with her. And I know how you feel about feeling like they are "raising" them while we're at work, I think that's one of the hardest parts!!! It doesn't get easier, but it is good for her and it will be ok-that I can promise!!
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